So. This semester is over; hence I am updating guilt-free. (well, not entirely guilt-free; I still need to write Christmas cards and finish up my grading, but i have much less guilt than usual.) Speaking of guilt, I'm having a bit of a personal revolution. Can one actually have 'a bit' of a revolution??? I think not, because revolution connotes large and drastic change, but it sounds nice. So anyways, this revolution thingy... As many of you know, I finished up a masters in Int'l relations last spring and this fall was my first semester of Phd work. Now, this is going to sound extremely simplistic, so brace yourself. Grad school is hard. (you're forgiven if you're sarcastically thinking: 'wow. how brilliant and deep'). but yeah, it's hard in a way I never imagined. (well, except for that term I was at Oxford but that lasted only 8 weeks and I had no idea someone could actually put themselves in that sort of situation for years on end). For those of you that remember those sleepless nights of studying or the relentless cramming your schedule with trillions of things to do during college, that's not what I'm talking about. This difficulty i'm talking about is the mental strain of always, always, ALWAYS, knowing you should be studying. For myself and most of my classmates, our studies are all-consuming. We can't eat, exercise, clean, do laundry, pay bills, or hang out with friends without feeling guilty about it. So what's the solution? For a lot of us, its been drinking large amounts of alcohol to wash away the guilt and taking nyquil nightly in order to sleep. Not exactly the most healthy remedy, but perhaps the easiest. Or we could quit grad school, but I don't want to because I LOVE to teach. I love it in a way I can't even really communicate except that I get a huge rush every time I'm in a classroom. It's the most challenging, exhilarating thing I've ever done and I want to do it forever. But I simply mentally cannot handle another semester like this one without beginning some bad life habits. (not bad as in addicted to coffee, which I am; bad as in a complete lack of regard for my health resulting in overconsumption of liquor, migraine headaches, and high blood pressure). So what to do? This is the question I'm currently working on. I have at least another 3-4 years of grad school and I sure as hell don't want another semester like this one. I need to adjust my mental state. For years... I think since college and at least since i started my masters, school has been the top priority. everything else took a back seat in comparison to the energy and work i've poured into my studies. Somehow, i've got to readjust my perspective on school... Maybe now that I know I want to teach, maybe i can see learning as a means to an end, rather than an end in itself, but somehow it seems better to see learning as a virtue all by itself. I've realized I somehow need to make grad school less consuming, but how to do that while still motivating myself to work hard is something i've yet to figure out. Oh yes, I'm thinking about starting a political blog where I talk about things going on in the world, but I don't really thing xanga is the place for it. Any ideas for web places to start up my own page??? (and no, I'm not interested in my space either). So. Let this enormous post be a warning to those of you who admonish me for not updating.  Happy Christmastime everybody! | 
